ramblings and writings of a southern hobbit

Archive for July, 2009

The Reverse Reconstruction Program

Her Imperial Shortness, Nel Brandybuck, Empress of the Carolinas and Supreme High Ruler of Everywhere, has become increasingly alarmed at the declining state of those of her citizens residing north of the Mason-Dixon line. Moved with compassion and spurred to action by the pleading of her advisors, Her Imperial Shortness has initiated a three stage Reverse Reconstruction Program (RRP) ©. The Program shall proceed as outlined below:

Stage One

  • Rigorous “Eat Grits!” campaign
  • Complimentary sweet tea served with all meals in Northern Restaurants
  • Bluegrass bands to play the national anthem at all sporting events

Stage Two

  • School programs to educate children in the superior ways of Southerness instituted in all Northern public and private schools
  • Reverse Reconstruction Communes established in Southern states to acclimate Northerners to Southern climate and culture

Stage Three

  • Giant greenhouse built over all states north of the Mason-Dixon line to ensure that all the states of the Union experience reasonable weather year-round. ¹

¹The state of Alaska has been deemed exempt from this part of the program for logistical reasons and also because we do want to have snow sometimes.

Reverse Reconstruction Program (RRP) © 2009, Her Imperial Shortness. All Rights Reserved.

Nel's New American Dictionary

action-packed [ak-shuhn pakt]

Filled to capacity with utter amazingness, such as explosions and awesome chase scenes: Wow, that movie was action-packed!

communist [kom-yuh-nist]

  1. Of or pertaining to the Communist party
  2. An epithet designating something ugly or distasteful in some way: You’re leaving the house wearing that communist hat?

dantified [deyn-tee-fied]
Possessing an inordinate fear of wetting one’s paws: Anthony, why do you have to be so daintified?

realistic [ree-uh-lis-tik]

  1. Resembling or simulating real life: a realistic decoy
  2. Really awesome and probably not resembling real life in the least. Usually used in conjunction with “action-packed”: I thought the light saber duel was pretty realistic and action-packed.

saucmx [saw-see-m-ex]
A word to describe the otherwise indescribable

smexy [smek-see]
A word to describe something that is really, um, yeah…wow: Well, I thought the dress was pretty smexy.

snazzy [snaz-ee]
Reminding one of something covered in large amounts of sequins or rhinestones

unnecessary [uhn-nes-uh-ser-ee]

  1. Not necessary or essential
  2. Causing my brother displeasure or irritation